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17 November 2008 @ 08:24 pm
Drabble: Cold  
Title: Cold
No pairing
Rating: R just to be safe
100 words sharp.

Notes: Seventh in the Under-verse, aka Shittyday-verse. Follows Under, Below, Beneath, Raw, Bitter Sweet and 'Please'.

It's cold in the darkness. Numb fingers scrabble over wet concrete. He can't feel the sting anymore. Knows he should try to stop the dripping from his wrists but his arms won't move.

The last daylight slices a piece out off the shadows under the grimy window. Not enough to reach him, just teasing, brightness making him blind.

They are there, he can sense them. Running in what's left of his blood, his heart. Waiting for him.

The light flitters away, leaving the darkness untouched but not still. There is a whisper of dry leaves, dead breath. The shadows move.

softbluebuddy: Bad Day at the Officesoftbluebuddy on November 18th, 2008 01:59 am (UTC)
Oh no! When I saw your other post about here we go again, I knew to be on the look out for more shitty-day verse.

From what little that I know of poetry, I think this one was the most poetic from this 'verse. The imagary was very effective.

The descriptions repetetively of cold and darkness, daylight and shadows and brightness, and finally the light flittering away leaving the darkness.

Nice job. Hope you are feeling better.
Vesta: twobiggelois on November 19th, 2008 03:25 pm (UTC)
It sorta gives itself by now; pissy-me = Daddy W gets hurt.

I'm glad the imagery worked for you. You know, I get all stressed when I'm trying to get 'wordy'. Afraid that it will make no sense at all.
Thanks a lot, I appreciate your kind words.

And yeah, feeling better now. Hurting someone always makes me feel better. Plus I have the day off tomorrow. Yay!
caz2y5: i read your ficcaz2y5 on November 18th, 2008 04:12 am (UTC)
ooh oooh oooh! awesome. I just love the way that it hints at things allowing your mind to fill in the missing peices.
Vesta: twobiggelois on November 19th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you think it worked. I find it difficult to write imagery like that. I 'see' what is going on, shades and all, but it's hard to transform it into words so it makes sense.