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29 September 2005 @ 05:14 pm
Titel: To Have And Not To Have (Covet 5.5)
Author: Vesta
Rating: R
Pairing: Turner/Sparrow
Warnings: None
Disclaimers: I don't own them, I don't own anything. And I never, ever make any money
Summary: Jack shows up…

Author's note: This part is a direct continuation of Covet 5. It is, as usual, unbetaed. Do mind your eyes and beware of grammatical horrors.


"My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk."
John Keates



"I knew you had steel in ye, luv. But I never thought of ye to be cruel."

It wasn't much these days that could throw Will Turner off his feet, but that voice did. A voice he had cursed and longed for. Cursed because he had thought he would never hear it again and longed for because it had whispered such sweet, sweet things in his ear. Will couldn't move. He stood by the door with his mouth open like a fish on dry land, staring at the dark figure in the corner. Jack was leaning against the wall, bouncing a small object in his hand, the air of nonchalance almost tangible around him. He looked like he had just happened by, like it was a normal occurrence leaning against the wall in the house of a dumbstruck blacksmith.

"So, how ye been, lad?"

The question startled Will out off his staring. He closed his mouth, opened it again, took a deep breath and realised he couldn’t speak. Jack chuckled at Will's stunned expression.

"Is this the way to greet an old friend? Cat got your tongue, lad?" Jack's tone was friendly, even a bit amused. The friendliness didn't reach his eyes though. Captain Sparrow's gaze hit Will like the broadside of a sword. And then the door hit his back. Jack had him pressed up against it with a hand on his throat.

"Or maybe Norrington got it? Is that it?" The tone matched the eyes now and the hand around Will's throat squeezed a little harder and Will made a gurgling noise. His limbs felt heavy like led and he couldn't even lift an arm to remove the hand suffocating him.

The hand eased up a little and Will gratefully sucked in some air, not enough to be able to respond though. Not that he knew what to say anyway with his head spinning like that. It had happened too fast, all of it. Jack was not supposed to be there, he was out on the sea somewhere. He had deserted Will, left him behind. But still, here he was. Will flinched when Jack's left hand stopped just in front of his nose.

"See this, lad? Me compass. It has never led me astray before. It has always led me to me heart's desire. And one morning…" Jack tightened his hand around Will's throat again. "…it pointed me here. Nights are cold on the sea, Will. Cold an' lonely. Not even me Pearl could keep me warm. I longed for ye. I needed ye. Regretted that I left. So I came back, only to see ye again. And what do I find?"

Jack's voice had risen to a shout and his hand felt like a steel band cutting of Will's air. Without warning he let go and Will's knees buckled. He landed with a thud on the floor. Jack was back on the other side of the room again, his back towards Will. But before Will got up, Jack turned and threw the compass at him. Will ducked and the thing bounced off the door and fell to the floor. "It has never failed me before." Jack said. "You ruined it, you and your damned pretty smile. I can't find my way around anymore. It pointed nowhere but here, and here…"

Jack moved closer again, so close that Will could have touched him if he just had put out his hand, but he didn't dare to. Something in Jack's eyes told him that it was best to stay very, very still right now. Or maybe it was the fact that Jack didn't slur, the drawling accent was gone and his words crystal clear. During their short time together Will had learned that a non-slurring Jack was a furious Jack. And he had seen Jack's killing face. Only once, but that was enough, and he had not expected to see it in his own home.

"Why him, Will? Why him?"

Will swallowed and got up a little unsteadily. He was careful not to move too quickly, no one could tell what Jack would to then. He wasn't really himself with that face on. But on the other hand, neither was Will right now. He had just gotten his world turned upside down and he did not like the result of that. Why was he the one being accused and manhandled? He hadn't left anyone. He was the one who had been deserted and left for dead. It was a relief to feel the anger bubbling up inside. Will straightened his back and stared Jack hard in the eye.

"He offered, Jack. He offered and I was lonely. Thought I would never see you again. You left and I had nothing. Why should I turn down an offer?"

"So in the dark of the night it doesn't matter who you stick it in?" Jack smiled, a grimace without joy. "How many? Pretty as you are you must have had lots of offers. Or does it have to have a uniform to catch your eye?"

"Who do you think you are?" Will hissed. "What right do you have to come here and give me a hard time? I didn't leave. You did. You have no right, Jack. I was lonely, he offered. And that is none of your business anymore."

"Lonely? You don't know anything about lonely. You…" Jack silenced when Will grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him close.

"I know lonely, believe me, Jack. I have always been lonely. Never had anything. For a short time I thought I did, but it was taken away. You took it away. So don't you dare come here, after leaving me to the dogs, and talk to me about lonely."

It was Jack's turn to lose his tongue. Will took a deep breathe before he continued. "I though I had lost you. What does it matter if I spent a few moments with someone else? Don't try to tell me you've been keeping it in your trousers all this time. And what the devil do you mean with cruel?"

He had to stop, the words stuck in his throat and mingled with something aching to tears. Damn the man, it was a long time since Will had felt this lost and all it took was Jack stepping through the door and there he went again, toppling over and about.

Jack pried Will's fingers away from his shirt and took a step backwards. "Someone hadn't mattered." The look of disgust on his face made Will blush even more than he already did.

"I don't recognise ye, lad. What happened to ye? Don't ye have any decency left?"


"I saw what you did to him. He might be a right bastard but ye made him cry. A grown man. And ye wonder I think ye cruel."

"He cried? I didn't know…"

Jack interrupted him again. "Ay, he did so. Really, lad, I should thank ye for making him suffer but I can't." He stepped closer again, nose to nose this time. "I've been crying meself for the same reason. It takes the strength out of yer bones. Leaves ye hollow. So I can't be happy for it. No one deserves that."

"But what did I do? I gave him what he wanted, didn't I?"

Jack's bitter laugh surprised him. "What he wanted? Lad, no one wants te have his manhood ripped like that. What you did was to take what was left of his dignity and spit on it. He might have asked for it, but not like that. And ye don't even understand."

"No, I bloody well don't understand! Why don't you try to explain a bit, if it suits you, Captain." Will couldn't keep the sneer from his voice.

"Oh, I'll make it easy for ye. What do ye call it when ye take a lass against her will?"

Will stared at Jack. He knew that one. But he hadn't, had he? Norrington had been willing, hadn't he?

"I was younger when it happened to me. Took me years to get over it. And if I hadn't wanted ye so badly, what ye did on the Interceptor would have been just like it. I thought it was just ye being green, doing it like that. And maybe you were, then. But now, now you are cruel. Heartless. Just like the others."

"I'm not! Jack, I didn't know. I'm not cruel." Will reached out for Jack, to try to touch him, to soothe him and make that bitter, disgusted look go away but Jack sidestepped him effortlessly.

"There's no going back now, Will. And to think that the thought of you made me sleepless. I will leave you to your own devises now, Mr. Turner." Jack had reached the door before Will's stunned brain reconnected. He was about to be left behind again.

"Jack, please. Don't. I'll do whatever you want, just don't go." Will's shout made Jack stop, hand on the door. "Anything, Jack. Anything."

Jack turned slowly. The look he gave Will was even worse than the ones before. "What makes you think I would want to touch you? You have nothing I want anymore. You are filthy. And even if you don't get paid, you are still no better than the street slags that spread for a penny. I came for a reason and the reason is dead."

Two quick steps brought Will close to Jack, close enough to touch. He put a hand on the stiff shoulder in front of him and begged. "Please. Don't go. I'll come with you. Anything you say. I love you, Jack, can't go on without you again. He was just a distraction, didn't mean anything…"

Jack's hand connected with his right cheek, the blow made Will stumble backwards and stars twinkled in front of his eyes. As from a distance he heard Jack's voice, Jack's non slurring, hard voice. "It doesn't suit a whore to be clingy."

The door closed silently behind Jack. He was gone like a ghost chased away by the dawn.

Will stood for what felt like an eternity, waiting for the door to open and Jack stepping back in again, saying it was a bad joke. But nothing happened. He fingered his aching face, it would be bruised and painful for days. And he needed to sleep, he had work to do tomorrow. But he didn't know how he could sleep with Jack's voice echoing in his head, over and over again saying *filthy whore*.

A pale ray of sunlight peeped through the shutter and something glimmering in the cupboard caught Will's eye. It seemed like he had a bottle or two of rum left. He fetched one of them and drank half of it on the short way into his bedchamber. It would help to get at least some rest and perhaps even make the Jack rambling in his head go quiet.


Jack didn't stop until he reached the port. The sun shone in his eyes and made them even tearier. The soft morning breeze from the sea managed to clear some of the fog from his mind and piece by piece he recollected what had happened at Will's. Pretty Will, who had haunted his dreams ever since he left. Pretty Will, who had Jack's heart in a firm grip. Pretty Will, who Jack had called a whore, and hit in the face. Pretty Will with Norrington. Moaning and rutting like a wild thing and making the Commodore cry. Just like the man all those years ago had made Jack cry. It was too much for a worn out old captain to handle. He didn't want to see Will like that; Will was warm hearted and gentle, compassionate and passionate. And first and foremost, he was Jack's. Even if he had become a cruel bastard he was Jack's and no one was to lay hands on him. He had a vague memory of the cold fury taking hold of him when he saw them on the bed.

Jack groaned. After all these years he still couldn't handle his jealousy. Will wouldn't be the first lover he had chased away by losing his wits like that. But losing Will would hurt like nothing had before. He could forgive Will anything, he just needed to keep a close eye on him and not let him too far off again. It had been a mistake to leave that day, to jump over the parapet in a rush of nobility, leaving Will to marry the little lass. He never should have. What he should do now though, was to crawl back and beg forgiveness.

But for now it was best to leave the lad to get some sleep. In the afternoon though, that was the opportune time to take action, or evening perhaps. That was it, some sleep now, some liquid courage for breakfast and then off to Will's to set everything good and proper . And after that he would never have to be cold and lonely again. He would have a furnace to warm him.

Jack took off up in the town again, in search for one of the never closing inns. He could start working on his courage right now.


Current Mood: busy
inyadreems on September 29th, 2005 06:54 pm (UTC)
ACK! *bashes those lads' heads together*

Now you're leaving me thinking it's going to be made alright soon, but I know you... You're not going to let Jack go back and everything will be nice as pie, are you? And then there's poor ol' Norrington still suffering.

(This is great! I'm so getting into these characters.)
Vestabiggelois on September 30th, 2005 12:08 pm (UTC)
Hrm...can't kiss and tell you know. But as you prolly figured by now me and happy endings aren't really compatible. So! no further comments on that since I don't want to spoil the fun ( or whatever).

Thanks, I'm glad you think it works. And they do suffer prettily, don't they?